The Off-the-Clock Leader Doesn’t Exist
The other day, I was griping to a friend when I stopped mid-sentence. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I said. “I just spilled my ‘coffee,’ didn’t I...”
I wasn’t talking about my drink. I was talking about my character.
In leadership, "coffee" is whatever spills out of us the moment we’re “bumped.” In fact, anytime life bumps us, whatever is inside us comes out.
Think about it: If you’re holding a cup and someone jars your arm, you spill coffee everywhere. Why? You might blame the person who bumped you, but it’s simpler than that. You spilled coffee because coffee was in the cup. If there had been tea inside, you would have spilled tea. The bump is a catalyst, but the contents become our responsibility.
In my conversation with my friend, I spilled out my frustration over a decision I didn’t agree with. But griping wasn’t going to change anything, and I was giving too much power to someone else rather than choosing better methods to deal with the energy.
In education, we are bumped daily. Maybe it’s a frustrated parent, a tech failure, or a sudden policy shift. Do these moments create our frustration or our grace, or do they simply reveal them?
When you get bumped, what comes out:
Is it flexibility and curiosity?
Or is it annoyance and contempt?
Whatever spills out impacts the culture of your school.
Bruce Schneider reminds us, “Who we are in one place is who we are in all places.”
If we want to change what spills out during a crisis, we can't just change our moves. We have to change the contents of the cup. This is the human side of leadership. It’s the difference between being a passenger in a bumper car, constantly reacting to the next hit, and being someone who takes the wheel and steers from a place of agency. I own my impact in this world.
If it’s true that our private inner lives affect our outer lives, then professional development can’t solely focus on strategy, systems, and skills. It has to include the human side of leadership. Your human side, including patience, reactivity, and ego, doesn't stay hidden in private. It is the liquid inside the cup.
So what do we do when we’re bumped?
Well, most of us feel offended or wronged and share our opinions and feel justified in doing so. I mean, I just caught myself doing it with a friend. Our first reactions are usually from our fight-or-flight system. But when we can take a deep breath and fully absorb those bumps, our responses give us the power to stand as someone who has the ability to make conscious choices in life.
Here are 3 practical ways to refine your human side:
The "Bump" Audit: Next time a meeting goes off the rails, don't look at the disruptor. Look at your response. What is spilling out? That response is your "everywhere" self showing up.
Go First in Vulnerability: In your next 1-on-1, admit a mistake before asking for an update. When humility spills out, walls go down. Demonstrate that growth is a practice, not a destination.
Redirect Your "Quiet" Habits: How you talk about colleagues, or how you compose a late-night email, is how you lead. Practice excellence in the shadows so your cup overflows with connection when the lights are bright.
This type of professional development has a return on investment that no strategic plan can deliver on its own.
If you feel a tug to change what’s in your cup, let’s talk.