Part 11: Killjoys & Joy Journaling: Spotting What Steals Your Spark
Welcome to The Everyday Science of Joy, a 13-part series for educators and caregivers brought to you by the ESSDACK Resilience Team and inspired by the work of Ingrid Fetell Lee around The Science of Joy. We’re diving into what brain science tells us about joy: why it matters, how it shapes our nervous systems, and how we can design classrooms, homes, and communities that help people truly thrive.
Each post, we’ll explore one joyful concept and connect it to practical, brain-based strategies you can use right away. Think of this series as a little dose of inspiration and science, wrapped up with curiosity, compassion, and maybe even a laugh or two because joy is serious business (and seriously good for us)!
If joy is the sunlight of our nervous system, killjoys are the clouds that roll in and dim it. Every educator, caregiver, and human being has them: those moments, habits, or mindsets that quietly drain our spark. Sometimes they sneak in as inner critics whispering “you should be doing more.” Other times, they arrive in the form of environments that feel gray, disconnected, or relentlessly task-driven.
Killjoys can be internal or external.
Internal killjoys often sound like:
“I’ll be happy when everything’s perfect.”
“I don’t deserve a break until I’ve finished the list.”
“If I show too much joy, people won’t take me seriously.”
External killjoys might look like a staff culture that celebrates busyness over balance, fluorescent-lit classrooms that sap creativity, or relationships that leave you feeling smaller instead of seen. Sometimes they even hide behind “good intentions”—the pressure to be professional, productive, or perpetually positive.
But here’s the truth: joy can’t grow where shame, rigidity, or chronic depletion take root. Recognizing what steals our joy is not self-indulgent—it’s self-preserving. It’s how we begin to reclaim agency over our energy.
That’s where a Joy Journal comes in. This simple, science-backed reflection tool invites awareness which is the antidote to autopilot. Each day, jot down:
One moment that lifted you (a laugh, a smell, a student’s thank-you, a deep breath that worked).
One thing that drained you (a thought, a meeting, a habit, a physical space).
Over time, patterns emerge. You start to see your nervous system’s truth in ink, ie what helps it rise and what pulls it under. That awareness is gold. It’s not about fixing everything overnight; it’s about noticing what’s real, so your choices can be more aligned with what nourishes you.
We at ESSDACK want to remind folks: awareness is the first act of resilience. The moment we name what dims our light, we’ve already started to reclaim it.
✨ Joy Practice Challenge: Start a Joy Journal today. Each evening, record one joy and one killjoy. Release judgment and embrace curiosity. At the end of the week, reread what you wrote. Notice what themes repeat, what surprises you, and where small shifts could help your joy take up more space.
