Using Inner and Outer Resources to Regulate When We Feel Dysregulated

We all know what it feels like to lose our sense of calm. Our heart races, our chest tightens, our thoughts scatter, or maybe we feel a wave of numbness take over. This is our nervous system signaling that it has shifted into survival mode: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In those moments, all the science shows, our thinking brain goes offline, and it can feel nearly impossible to ground ourselves.

But there’s good news: our brains and bodies can be guided back toward safety and regulation with some intentional effort. And the more often we do that work, the quicker we can regain our calm.

One of the most effective ways to do this is by drawing on both internal and external resources, that is to say, memories, places, people, and practices that remind us of safety and love. These aren’t just nice distractions; they activate the body’s natural calming systems and restore balance to our nervous system. Bringing these memories forward helps to rewire our brains to calm.

Here are six powerful ways you can practice bringing yourself back to regulation:

1. Recall a Safe, Loving Memory

Think back to a time when you felt completely at ease. Maybe a cozy afternoon reading a book, or the laughter of a family gathering. Let yourself relive that memory in detail. As you recall it, notice how your body responds. Do your shoulders soften? Does your breath deepen? Anchor yourself there, try to recall as many small details as you can. The smell, the lighting, the sounds, the textures of the place. And breathe slowly. The body doesn’t distinguish much between “real” and “remembered.” Safe memory can produce the same soothing sensations as the original experience. Give yourself 10-15 minutes to practice this the first time.

2. Recall a Place That Brings You Calm

Maybe it’s the beach where the waves roll in steady rhythm, or a mountain trail where the air smells like pine. It could even be your grandmother’s kitchen or your favorite coffee shop. Close your eyes and picture yourself there. What do you see, hear, and smell? Let your breath match the calm of that place. Visualization of safe environments has been shown to reduce stress hormones and increase feelings of stability in the body.

3. Recall a Person Who Feels Safe

Think of someone who brings you warmth simply by being themselves. Maybe it’s a best friend, a mentor, or a kind teacher. Imagine their presence beside you. Notice how your body reacts to the sense of safety and connection they bring. Listen to their voice or just their presence. Let yourself breathe in their steadiness. Our nervous systems are wired for co-regulation, and even the memory of a supportive person can bring us back toward balance.

4. Recall a Skill or Hobby You Love

Sometimes, the act of remembering ourselves in a flow state, painting, gardening, playing music, or running can bring back the sensations of joy and calm that accompany those activities. Even if you’re not physically doing the hobby in that moment, your body can access the muscle memory of being present, safe, and absorbed in something life-giving. Focus on those sensations and let them guide your breathing.

5. Recall an Animal or Pet You’ve Loved

There’s a reason therapy dogs and comfort animals are so powerful. Think about a pet you’ve loved or an animal that brings you peace. Imagine their weight leaning against you, the softness of their fur, or the unconditional presence they offer. Notice how your body responds. Many people feel an immediate drop in stress levels simply by recalling the companionship of a beloved animal.

6. Recall a Spiritual Guide, Faith, or Belief

For many, faith and spirituality provide a deep well of comfort. Think of a spiritual practice, guide, or belief that grounds you in love. Recall what it feels like to pray, meditate, sing, or sit in sacred community. Let those sensations fill your body. Breathing into that sense of connection can restore hope and calm even in moments of chaos.

Why This Matters

Each of these practices relies on the same principle: focusing our attention on what brings safety and love. By deliberately recalling these resources, we engage the parasympathetic nervous system—the part of us designed for rest, repair, and regulation.

The next time you find yourself dysregulated, try pausing to choose one of these six resources. Breathe into the sensations it brings. Notice the calm returning. Over time, these practices create well-worn pathways in your brain, making it easier and faster to find your way back to regulation.

Because no matter how stormy things feel in the moment, you carry within you—and around you—the resources to return to calm.

Reflection for Practice

• When you feel yourself starting to dysregulate, which of these six resources feels most accessible to you in real time? Why?

• What barriers do you notice that make it harder to access these calming resources, and what intentional steps could you take to reduce those barriers?

• How might building regular habits of recalling safe memories, people, or places help your students recover more quickly during stressful moments?