Building Respect Agreements: Sharing a Culture of Ownership and Connection
By Ginger Lewman
In teacher school, we were taught that every good teacher, at the start of every school year, has a beautifully written list of classroom rules ready to go. These are clear expectations about behavior, effort, and respect. Every good educator I knew would review them with students, hang them neatly on the wall, and feel that satisfying sense of preparedness. But even with all that structure, I often felt something was missing, mostly because some kids just chose not to follow the expectations. Some students followed the rules easily, but others didn’t seem to buy in at all. The classroom felt divided in a really bad way. I was enforcing rules for them instead of with them. And that’s how most of us operate.
And then I learned about Respect Agreements, and everything changed.
Kicki, a fellow educator, told a story that hit home for me. She realized that her frustration with classroom behavior came from feeling disconnected. So instead of handing out rules, she gathered her students and asked, “What kind of environment do we want to learn in?” Together, they co-created a “Classroom Constitution,” writing agreements like “We listen when others are speaking,” “We take responsibility for our actions,” and “We support each other when things get tough.” Once students signed the shared document, something beautiful happened: the classroom atmosphere shifted. Ownership replaced resistance. Respect became lived, not imposed.
This process is at the heart of restorative practices. It’s also a concept beautifully unpacked in Ron and Roxanne Claassen’s book, Discipline That Restores (restorativejusticediscipline.com). Their work shows us that Respect Agreements aren’t just about keeping order—they’re about creating a shared foundation for justice, accountability, and empathy. They remind us that this work isn’t simply about managing students—it’s about transforming relationships.
Respect Agreements are one brick in the foundation of restorative practices—a single, powerful piece of the larger structure that supports every healthy classroom and thriving school community. When we co-create agreements, we’re not just teaching manners or compliance; we’re modeling democracy, compassion, and collaboration. We’re teaching students how to live and work well together—skills that matter far beyond our walls.
To begin, ask students to define respect together. Guide them toward the idea that respect means to hold someone in high regard. Then, explore what that looks like:
Student to Student – How do we treat peers, even when we disagree?
Student to Teacher – What does respect look like when frustration rises?
Teacher to Student – How do we show students we value their humanity and voice?
All to the Environment – How do we care for our shared space and materials?
Invite stories, especially those using “anti-stories,” which are narratives about times when someone didn’t feel respected or when they witnessed disrespect happening. These stories build empathy and understanding, helping the class create agreements that truly matter.
Joe Brummer’s Building a Trauma-Informed Restorative School takes this even deeper, connecting the dots between emotional safety, healing, and respect. His work reminds us that Respect Agreements aren’t just a tool—they’re a step toward growing good humans who are good to others.
So here’s your challenge: Within the next two weeks, invite your students to co-create a Respect Agreement. Post it. Sign it. Live it. Then notice how your classroom starts to shift—from compliance to connection, from control to community.
Because when respect becomes something we build together, it becomes the foundation for everything that follows.
