Part 4: Fake Joy vs. Real Joy: Beyond “Good Vibes Only”

Welcome to The Everyday Science of Joy, a 13-part series for educators and caregivers brought to you by the ESSDACK Resilience Team and inspired by the work of Ingrid Fetell Lee around The Science of Joy. We’re diving into what brain science tells us about joy: why it matters, how it shapes our nervous systems, and how we can design classrooms, homes, and communities that help people truly thrive.

Each post, we’ll explore one joyful concept and connect it to practical, brain-based strategies you can use right away. Think of this series as a little dose of inspiration and science, wrapped up with curiosity, compassion, and maybe even a laugh or two because joy is serious business (and seriously good for us)!

Let’s be clear: joy isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. Fake joy is the “toxic positivity” that demands smiles when people are hurting. Real joy makes space for sadness, stress, and healing.

True joy arises when we feel safe enough to experience the full range of emotion. It’s the teacher who laughs through the chaos because she knows connection still matters. It’s the caregiver who finds lightness in the middle of hard moments.

We can’t force joy. But we can intentionally design for it by creating psychologically safe spaces where emotions are welcomed, not managed away.

At ESSDACK, we believe that felt-safety is the soil where regulation and joy grow. Fake joy decorates the surface; real joy changes the roots.

✨ Joy Practice Challenge: When a moment feels tense, don’t force cheer. Instead, name what’s real: “This feels tough right now.” Then look for one small thing—a color, a sound, a shared grin—that reminds you joy can coexist with hard things.